I don’t often use this blog space to talk about politics, but as the government continues to dither over the final hurdles on the Online Safety Bill, children and young people continue to access pornography. Of course, not all are harmed by this, but it’s a well-known fact within the addiction world that early exposure increases the risk of later dependency. That research hasn’t been replicated with pornography, but it’s wise to assume it’s a risk factor. That in itself should concern us, but there’s much more than that.
As anyone who regularly uses pornography will know, there’s a lot of ‘dodgy’ stuff out there. Anyone who thinks porn is just ‘harmless adult entertainment’ is woefully out of touch with what’s going on at the margins of ‘mainstream’. In our work at the Laurel Centre we see many people struggling with the fallout of what they’ve seen with much of it challenging their personal moral code. As experienced, rational, mature adults we should at least have some capacity to process what we’ve seen, but what impact does this have on young, developing minds.
Earlier this year, the Children’s Commissioner compiled a series of research reports on the impact of pornography on children and young people and the author warns “it does not make for easy reading”. She warns “Let me be absolutely clear: online pornography is not equivalent to a ‘top-shelf’ magazine. The adult content which parents may have accessed in their youth could be considered ‘quaint’ in comparison to today’s world of online pornography. Depictions of degradation, sexual coercion, aggression and exploitation are commonplace, and disproportionately targeted against teenage girls.”
A recent article in the i paper shares the experience of Playwright Abbey Wright who spoke to 10,000 children over 6 years about their views on pornography and how it affected them. Like the Commissioner’s report, it does not make easy reading. One of the comments I found most challenging was the point she made about how difficult it is for adults to talk to children and young people about porn. Whether that’s parents or teachers or other adults in a child’s life. It’s a difficult boundary to negotiate but Wright states that it’s essential we listen to the voices of children and how they’re affected by porn and these are conversations young people want. I suspect it is the adults that are too embarrassed to talk about this stuff, not the young people. And in the meantime we project our anxieties onto them and hope that they’ll work out for themselves the complex emotional mix of confusion, fear, curiosity and shame.
And I think there’s another way that adults avoid addressing these issues and that’s by kidding ourselves that porn is hard to find or that our current parental controls will suffice. We know that social media is now one of the biggest delivery systems for porn and research shows that on average, most children will have seen porn by age 13 and more than a quarter will have seen it by 11.
The word ‘addiction’ isn’t used in the Commissioners report, but it comes up on a few occasions in the article in the i paper. One quote from a 16 year old boy stuck with me “Porn is just two clicks away and it’s free. You can be completely emotionally detached while still receiving sexual pleasure. It changes you, how you think, how you see the world. It causes people to feel trapped and they just keep going down into this abyss. There’s no bottom to it. If you do get lost in it – and that’s the problem – I did kind of go down that rabbit hole.” That is an experience that will be familiar with anyone of any age who defines themselves as addicted to porn.
https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/learned-speaking-online-porn-2479789
So, what’s the solution. Well the Department of Education states in its statutory guidance for RSE (Relationship and Sex Education) that by the end of secondary school, pupils should know that ‘pornography presents a distorted picture of sexual behaviours, can damage the way people see themselves in relation to others and negatively affect how they behave towards sexual partners”. On the surface, that may seem good advice, but until we also include sexual pleasure and sexual diversity into our curriculum, young people will continue to turn to porn for guidance. If all we do is ‘warn’ young people away from porn, they will continue to do what young people have always done and be drawn closer to it.
I am often asked how we can stop people becoming addicted to porn and my answer is always the same – education, education, education. But it must be multi-faceted, like porn. Not all porn is bad in the same way as drinking alcohol is not always bad. But we don’t deny that alcohol can cause a myriad of woes to individuals, families and society. Like alcohol, we must do our best to prevent accidental and deliberate access by children and educate young people to be discerning and responsible users. Easy to say I know and much harder to do, but I hope that each of us can find a way to contribute to this essential conversation.
If you’re struggling with sex or porn addiction and want someone to talk to, you can use our ‘Talk to a Therapist’ service to find out more about the services we offer, both for people struggling with addiction, and those who love them.
