This is our last blog in the series ‘What is sex and porn addiction?’ Within the theme we have outlined each condition, delved into how they can be confused with other problems and issues, and presented ways to determine whether you require sex or porn addiction therapy. We’ve looked at ‘Am I an addict, or am I just over-reacting?’, ‘Am I an addict, or do I just have a high sex drive?’ and ‘Am I an addict or am I just in the wrong relationship?’.
Today we end with, ‘Am I an addict or am I just an arsehole?’. Sorry for the blunt language, but this is a direct quote from one of the recovery groups I recently ran and it’s such a common sentiment (though the language varies) that it’s worth looking into.
What Is Sex Addiction?
According to ICD-11, Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder (CSBD), or sex/porn addiction as it’s more commonly known, is assessed based on Griffiths’ Core Component Model of Addiction. This suggests that for something to be classed as an addiction, it needs to be preoccupying, used to regulate mood, cause both internal and external conflict and be difficult to control despite negative consequences. And, critically, the ICD states that ‘distress that is entirely related to moral judgments and disapproval about sexual impulses, urges, or behaviours is not sufficient to meet the CSBD criteria’. Whatever your moral views of pornography may be, we mustn’t use our value system as a guide for diagnosis or reason to seek porn addiction therapy, in the same way, that we wouldn’t use our moral views on alcohol to diagnose alcohol dependency.
Whatever you feel about pornography, it is a fact that many millions of people use it without feeling any moral objection and without causing any problems in their lives. Similarly, many people drink alcohol recreationally, perhaps even too much at times, but they are not alcoholics. In principle there is nothing wrong in looking at bodies we find attractive in the same way as there is nothing wrong with drinking alcohol. But that doesn’t mean that alcohol doesn’t cause untold problems for individuals, partners, families and wider society, and the same is true for porn.
At What Point Is Porn Addiction Therapy Required?
So back to our question – ‘Am I an addict or am I just an arsehole?’ If I may put what we’ve been exploring in layman’s terms, simply being ‘an arsehole’ is not enough to class something as an addiction, but you could have addiction AND be an arsehole!
Diagnosing sex and porn addiction is perhaps harder than any other addiction because of the moral objections that sex and porn so often evoke. You may have looked into porn addiction therapy due to a loved one’s protests when in reality your relationship with sexual content is entirely normal. Regrettably, many people are anti-porn and use the language of addiction to either justify their, or their partner’s behaviours or to pathologise people who have a healthy relationship with porn. If you’re one of those people who inherently think that porn is wrong, that doesn’t mean you’re an addict. Perhaps it’s not the porn per se that challenges your value system, but the fact that you are cheating on a partner. If you’ve agreed to a monogamous relationship, then most people would agree that betraying the trust of someone you love is something you should feel bad about. But even so, that doesn’t make it an addiction. What’s happening here is that the powerful and painful feeling of shame is making it difficult to find the objective reality needed to make an accurate diagnosis.
We’ve talked about shame at numerous points over the years and with good reason. Not only can it get in the way of people getting an accurate diagnosis, but it can also prevent people from getting the essential help they need. Shame, unlike guilt, is the belief that we are inherently bad and unworthy, rather than that we have behaved badly and this massively impacts our sense of identity. When we feel shame, we develop defence strategies to conceal it, such as withdrawing and avoiding, or attacking others or ourselves. So the voice that says, ‘Am I an addict or am I an arsehole?’, is often the voice of shame. And whatever the reality may be, you still deserve to get help. Sex or porn addiction therapy can help you to overcome negative emotions such as shame, guilt and anxiety.
Sex Addiction Self-Assessment
Whatever your emotional experience may be, if you want an accurate diagnosis of sex or porn addiction, the best thing to do is to use our validated, self-assessment tool – ‘Am I A Sex Addict?’. This questionnaire, referred to as the CSBD-19, was designed by professionals and academics in line with the World Health Organisation’s definition of CSBD (Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder) in ICD-11. If you would like to learn more about how this tool was developed you can do so here. Scoring highly on this measure (50+) indicates that you are likely addicted and should consider sex or porn addiction therapy; however, if you score lower, yet find sexual compulsions are harming your well-being, you can still get help.
Sex And Porn Addiction Therapy At The Laurel Centre
The quickest way to find out more is to talk to one of our therapists. Follow this link, pick a date and time convenient for you and one of our experienced Clinical Associates will help you decide the best next steps. If you want to get a taste of the power of group work, sign up for our Kick Start Workshop. This 3-hour session delivered by Paula Hall is limited to a maximum of 12 attendees and is a great way to start your recovery journey.
To learn more about sex addiction, porn addiction therapy and the services The Laurel Centre proudly offers, connect with us on LinkedIn and Twitter.
