Sex and porn addiction and depression
In our last blog we looked at how addictive/compulsive behaviours are commonly used to numb out uncomfortable emotions. In that discussion we focussed on anxiety. Today we’ll focus on depression.
As I said in the last time, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to numb out uncomfortable emotions – why on earth wouldn’t we? But when acting out behaviours become the only way to feel better, even though they cause a whole load of other problems, then we’re in trouble. And the frustrating irony is that the more often we fail to stop the behaviours, the more depressed we become and we can become so frightened of feeling depressed that we act out even more in an attempt to avoid ever feeling down. It’s a negative spiral that’s very easy to get trapped in.
Addiction and depression
Depression is often misunderstood because it is both an emotional state, and a recognised mental health problem. This means that we can at times ‘feel’ depressed, but that doesn’t mean we’re suffering from depression.
At the milder end ‘feeling’ depressed is similar to feeling bored, flat, lethargic. Something that we can all feel at times. We’re not robots and no-one feels permanently happy. In fact, if we did, we’d have nothing to compare it with so we wouldn’t realise we were happy! You have to have ‘un-happy’ to have happy. Feeling flat and listless is often linked to environmental issues. For example, research has shown that many of us struggle with mild depression during the winter months, especially those that are cold, wet and dark because this has a direct impact on our mood. Other environmental events are common like the come-down after a high, returning from holiday or after a big celebration. Or sometimes we feel depressed when life has become a bit dreary, a bit same old, same old.
This is all very human stuff, it’s not indicative of ‘being depressed’ and needing further help, but nonetheless, it can be a trigger to acting out so when you do feel like this it’s important to take action. Exercise and socialising are the number one antidotes for these mild depressive moods along with taking up new activities and setting small goals. Like anxiety, diet can also be a contributor – many people find that too many carbs and certainly too much alcohol can leave them feeling flat and lethargic – if that resonates with you, try cutting them out for a while.
Moderate depression feels like more than a mood. It lasts longer and is much harder to snap out of. You may feel lazy and unmotivated. The feeling might be linked to a specific event, such as an illness, or a health diagnosis, or being made redundant, or losing someone to bereavement, or a relationship ending. There’s a sense of loss and emptiness. Maybe disappointment and sadness too. And you may feel hopeless, helpless. These symptoms can be effectively managed with good self-care, exercise, mindfulness and socialising. Self-compassion is also important and patience. If you’re struggling with periods of depression that are linked to a particular event, you need to give yourself permission to grieve and adapt to the loss – and that takes time and that’s OK.
Clinical depression and addiction
At the more serious end we have what’s often referred to as clinical depression. At this level it’s more than just mood. It’s more than ‘feeling’ depressed, it’s ‘being’ depressed. You can’t shrug it off; you can’t pull yourself together, no matter how hard you try. Symptoms of clinical depression include ‘continuous’ low mood or sadness, feeling hopeless and helpless, guilt-ridden, having no motivation or interest in things and getting no enjoyment out of life. It might also include having suicidal thoughts or thinking of hurting yourself. Physical symptoms are similar to anxiety but there’s an additional symptom of not wanting to socialise or spend time with other people. If you’ve been struggling with these symptoms every day for more than 2 weeks, then it’s recommended that you see a doctor because the sooner you get help with depression the more effective the treatment is, whether that’s talking therapy and/or medication. If you’re feeling suicidal or self-harming in any way, see your doctor immediately.
Beating porn addiction
If you want to beat your addiction for good, then you need to work on both the underlying depression and the compulsive sexual behaviour. If you don’t work on the depression at the same time there is a risk that recovery will make you feel worse. That won’t be because life is necessarily any worse, but because as the anaesthetic of acting out wears off, those depressive feelings will come to the fore. However, it may be that life does harder than it used to, because you’re having to face issues that you’ve avoided in the past. But the good news is that the more often you deal with those issues and uncomfortable emotions head on, the better you’ll get at doing it and the more confident you’ll become.
If you want help to get into recovery by breaking the cycle of addiction and working on those underlying issues, get in touch with us today. We can help you with individual therapy or on one of our courses; or if you just want a taster of what you do, why not sign up to our workshop.
Don’t wait – act today.
