Sex addiction and porn addiction and anxiety
Today we’re starting a 4-part blog series on the links between common mental health problems and porn addiction and sex addiction, also known as compulsive sexual behaviour disorder (CSBD). We’re going to start the series looking at how sex addiction is caused by, and contributes towards, anxiety and our next blog will look at links to depression. Then we’ll move on to look at other emotional challenges namely anger and then loneliness and low self-esteem.
What causes porn addiction?
Generally speaking, at the root of sex and porn addiction, like all addictions, is a conscious, or unconscious desire to escape difficult emotions. Like all obsessive, compulsive or addictive substances and behaviours, sex and porn, or whatever your unwanted behaviour is, acts as an anaesthetic. In other words, it’s a behaviour that numbs out unwanted thoughts and feelings. Or at least that’s how it starts – but over time, as the behaviour becomes increasingly habituated, it’s just what you do to feel normal.
Now there’s nothing wrong with wanting to numb out difficult emotions – you could argue that the basis of all human existence is to avoid difficult emotions and create positive ones. Whether that’s flicking through photos on your phone while waiting for a dentist appointment or binge-watching Netflix at the end of a busy week. It’s natural to want to numb out difficult feelings and create positive ones. The problem is, that for people with an addiction, their substance or behaviour has become the ‘only’ way they can regulate their emotional state. Or at least, the only effective way. And over a period of time as the behaviours are repeatedly returned to as a form of comfort, the emotion itself becomes a trigger. For example, you watch porn as a way of soothing anxiety; overtime it becomes what you always do when you feel anxious.
What is anxiety?
What do we mean by anxiety? It’s a label that covers so many things. Stress, worry, fear. Anxiety is living with a constant ‘what if’ voice in your head. What if I did that wrong? what if I do it wrong? What if they don’t like me? What if they want more than I can give? What if, what if, what if. It’s nagging and relentless. It keeps you awake at night. It preoccupies your thoughts and robs your joy. For many it’s not just emotional, it’s physical too. Sweating, thumping heart, tightness in the chest. And for some terrifying panic attacks that can leave you feeling like you’re literally dying.
At the milder end, anxiety is feeling tense, restless, fidgety or nervous. You may have racing thoughts and find it hard to concentrate and struggle to sit still for any length of time. This level of anxiety can be caused by a whole host of different things, but most commonly it’s linked to environmental factors. For example, if there are lots of changes going on in your life, or if you’re in limbo for some reason. That could be waiting for news on something, being in between jobs or making significant changes to your living environment. For whatever reason, things just aren’t settled. Nothing massive is going on, nothing you feel you can’t cope with, in fact, some of the unsettledness may be waiting for something good. A new child or job. A big celebration. Whether looked forward to or not, you’ll probably have a sense that things will be more relaxed when it’s over.
Further up the anxiety scale from tense, fidgety, restlessness we have stress. When we feel stressed it’s much easier to pinpoint it to something specific. Work is of course a biggie, but problems at home in your relationship or with children can also be significant sources of stress.
Anxiety and addiction
Whatever is causes the anxiety, and whether it’s mild or chronic, regrettably addictive behaviours are very effective at temporarily reducing it. Or at least, taking your mind off it. The problem is that when you stop acting out, the anxiety increases. The situation hasn’t changed that you were stressed about but now on top of that, there’s the regret of wasted time or money, or perhaps the additional anxiety of someone finding out what you’ve been doing. Or the fear that you’ll be stuck in the world of addiction forever and never find a way out.
Beating addiction
One of the best things you can do to overcome your anxiety is to overcome your addiction. And of course, one of the integral parts of getting into recovery from addiction will be to overcome your anxiety. It’s essential that you work on both at the same time. Which means ensuring you’re working with a therapist who understands both addiction and how to work with common mental health problems.
For more information about the services at the Laurel Centre follow this link.
