Rose

Hi Lorna ann, I just wanted to check in and see how you are doing. I’m sorry your having to go through this and feel you have no support. I also only recently found out about my partner of 24 years addiction. I feel for you I really do, I’m sorry you have already had so much trauma to deal with. Please know this forum is a safe space and if you need to vent you can do. I have found great comfort here in my darkest moments. There are lots of us here all at different stages. Please feel free to reach out and know that although you feel very alone there is a supportive group here for you.

Snowflake, I’m glad my message was of some comfort. Thank you for your words too. Sometimes I think just knowing someone heard you is enough. Blindsided24 good luck with the accountability contract, and I agree with your recommendation to the book as it is certainly helping me.

Hi Snowflake, I just wanted to reach out and say I heard you. This is an awful path to be walking and it’s made so much harder by the fact that we have to walk it alone. I understand how lonely you must feel. im probably not the best for advice as It’s only been just over 4 weeks since the day I found out. I can understand why you are not ready to focus on your future as I think just getting through each day is hard enough. I know you have known for longer than me but from some of the other posts I see people who have known for much longer still have no idea where the future lies. you ask if it’s normal to still be hurting and I say yes absolutely you have been betrayed in the most awful way by a man who you have been with for thirty years. I think it’s great that you trust him again and I hope I can find this with my partner too at some point as without that we have no future. I wish I could say more. I really do, I get anxious making these posts as feel I’m not much use. I just wanted to reach back and say your not alone, this forum is a safe space for support. Just be kind for yourself and take a day at a time.

Hi IamEnough and everyone, I’m now 4 weeks after discovery. I check in on this forum almost daily and it is a help. I have wanted to reply when recently people have desperately reached out but I have been unable to string a reply together. im studying at present and had to have a few days away alone, which was ok and when I got home and walked through the door I just sunk into depression and despair again. Some days are better than others... I wish I could lie in bed all day. But I can’t as I’m busy so that’s probably a good thing. husband has got help lined up from saa and seems to have lots of new friends ringing him.... which is great support for him but sometimes annoys me! He has been on a laurel kickstart course and hopefully will be in the 8 week one soon. Im booked on the partner course. After I hope to start counselling for myself. Sometimes I feel so sorry for him other times I feel so lost betrayed and bewildered by it all. We talk a lot. This week I have gone though so many emotions and have Had a really dark time but I’m feeling a bit better today and yesterday. It’s such a rollercoaster. anyway that me, sorry to ramble, I do read your stories and feel for you all. I hope in time I’m able to provide more support to you all. You are all so brave xx

Hi IamEnough, I too am booked on the workshop as a way to support myself and gain some understanding. I hope your doing ok x

Thank you all for your kind words. Today has been much better.... I got dressed cooked lunch and dinner and sorted some emails that I needed to do. I’m exhausted now. One day at a time..... thank you for sharing your stories with me too. I’m very grateful to this forum right now as it’s my safe space. I hope in time I’m able to offer support back.

Today has been the worst day physically..... I had to go shopping and it was hard work. I had to control my panic attacks the entire time. I’m exempt from wearing a mask but wore one as makes me panic not too. My husband was suicidal throughout the night....... and my body has given up today. It’s my period and I have to hide this secret. I rang a helpline but they just said they would send me stuff to help support me support my partner with his sexual abuse disclosure.... nothing for me and it took me several days to make the call. I think ten days of bottles of wine has took its toll... today I had only one glass and going to bed very soon. I plan to detox the next few days and see where that gets me. I plan to get up tomorrow and try to get some stuff done... I’m sure my tween son must wonder why I’m in bed all the time. It’s just draining me all the shocks, all the trauma what is my future and will j stay sane. I already had PTSD so now what do I have have.... sorry I suppose I’m just feeling it today and feel so overwhelmed with trauma. Tomorrow is a new day. I know that. Sending love out to all you partners going through this. I have read most of the posts and really feel for you all it’s such an emotional rollercoaster.

Thank you all it’s comforting to be a part of this forum and know that X

Hi I can’t really offer any help as I only found out about my partner On Sunday. I just wanted to send some comfort over and I feel your pain. I looked at over 600 emails while drinking two bottles of wine.... I can’t remember a lot but the stuff I can I don’t know how to unsee. I feel your sickness and pain. I don’t know how to advise you to approach your partner but all I can say is breath and be kind to yourself. You will be Ok. Maybe not yet but one day. I’m sorry I could not be more helpful I just wanted to reach out.

Thank you all for your kind words. I have found some comfort in this forum the last few days. Reading others stories and understanding I am not alone. I’m just in total shock and betrayal but I also told my husband I will help him get the help he needs to work in his addiction and also deal with the abuse he suffered as a child. j know we need to take one day at a time and not really worry about anything after that right now. im speaking to someone at the laurel centre Wednesday so I will ask about counselling then. I also need support on to help my partner with his abuse so I’m going to ring a couple of helplines over the weekend. i got out of bed for a few hours yesterday and that made me feel normal for a while. ita just so hard when I have all theses images and conversations that I read just coming into my head. I have read the blogs but will read read them as I’m not taking in much at the moment .. they are a comfort . thank you once again for accepting me into the forum and holding space.

Sorry I should probably add my husband is a wonderful husband in every way and I had no idea about the depth of this. I can’t believe what happened to him as a child and have told him I’m here to help him through that. I can’t suddenly just turn off love and he is a broken man right now.

On Sunday my husband left some things on the laptop which I found and led me to contact him at work. I told him it was over and I meant this. I have on a couple of other occasions found stuff and the last time was like he was getting closer to actual meetings but He promised he would not do it again. this time it’s closer to home and a ongoing conversation for over a year with the same person ... I actually know this person too.... watching live stuff and more so once I found it I knew I had to end it for my own sanity. I am so hurt and devastated however and here comes the really messed up part he came home and broke down full of remorse and told me he had to tell me something he has told no one. He has a porn addiction and it’s all fantasies but he has been Mentally messed up since childhood when he was sexually abused. He has told no one about the abuse till that point. I am in total shock on the one hand I feel sorry for him and on the other I’m so betrayed. He is full of remorse and has spoke to several online organisations and they say it’s. Coping mechanism and referrals have been made. It’s been reported and I went with him to make a statement for historical child abuse. It’s being taken seriously and passed in to a major crime unit. It’s a long road ahead but I don’t know how I feel... will I ever trust him again, could we ever have sex again, I don’t know I’m in turmoil struggling to get out of hed and have drank wine and For the last five days s it’s all so f^*ked up. I am in two people and he is just running around making me cups of tea asking if I need anything when really I should be doing that for him. It’s all so messed up. we run our own business and Have closed up this week but I have to work this weekend as it’s busy and financially would be stupid not too as it’s our last chance to earn before our season ends. I have ordered Paulas partner book, am he has booked on the kickstart course. I think I will need counselling at some point. To make it more dramatic I have been recovering from GAD and PTSD as a result of a car crash 4 years ago and finally the last couple of months I felt more human ...now I’m scared of how will I ever deal with this and should we stay or separate. Our kids are tween and adult we told them about he was abuse and we got police involved but no more than that. Sorry for my ramble I just need to offload. I’m so lost right now