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  1. I am so sorry to hear this and my heart goes out to you. Please make sure you are being kind to yourself and making your health a priority. Also if you have a therapist reach out for some help, if you haven’t then get in touch with one for some advice on how to best manage your pain. You will naturally be grieving the loss of your relationship and the future you thought you had, as hard as it is you will need to focus on the here and now and deal with each day as it comes. No two days will hold the same issues so you will need lots of support from family and friends. Im hoping someone will be along who has experienced similar to give you some comfort as how they processed separation, but reach out if I can be of any help. Take care and sending you virtual hugs xx
    2 points
  2. I'm exactly the same @KayMarie, it's driving me nuts. I have downloaded Qustodio to his devices, so this gives me some peace of mind.
    1 point
  3. @Jmpc68 thank you, I’m going to speak to my therapist again today. Time is a great healer I guess. Hope you a good day xx
    1 point
  4. @Jmpc68 thank you for your response. Your words have really meant a lot and have given me a small glimmer of hope! it’s just so hard isn’t it? Navigating this horrid situation and all the emotions it’s brought with it. I never looked at it as PTSD. It wasn’t something my GP brought up with me when I saw him when I was really low. I just googled it and think it seems pretty accurate with the situation . xx
    1 point
  5. Thank you Runner for your response. I am sorry that you have been through this too. I know you are right. Even after therapy, my partner was still lying and gaslighting. There is an element of emotional abuse in all this and it is not a good role model to keep caught in the loop of abuse. I am getting help now as I have PTSD and I need to stop the washing machine in my head which keeps churning day and night. After over a year, I am finally able to cry. I am so lucky to have amazing family and friends who are loving me through this. Big love to all those partners out there who are going through this. It is an awful experience.
    1 point
  6. Hi Juby so sorry to hear that you have been through such an awful time. I am certainly no expert on the topic but my D-day was initially in 2021 from which I too tried to forgive and patch up. I really tried to understand and support. I found out in September last year that it had always been going on behind my back despite regular couples therapy and me desperately trying to change myself to make the situation better. after a lot of time and talking I now know that it wasn’t me that created this problem or breathed life into it. It was there long before I was on the scene and there was nothing that I could have done to change it. I have made the decision to leave, as to stay would be self destruction all over again and no role model for my young daughter to live a miserable life with someone who continually hurts me. I also realised that to keep doing the same and expecting a different outcome will set me up for a dismal time which I don’t think I would survive again. my advice to you is to look after yourself at the moment and don’t feel responsible for anyone else. You can’t fix anyone else and the only person you owe for happiness is yourself. take some time and self care and spend time with the people ( usually family) who you know you can trust and love you for being you.
    1 point
  7. Hi @Mumof2UKso sorry you have found yourself here. It must be difficult that your husband can’t admit to his addiction, but until he does that leaves you stuck between a rock and a hard place. For your own mental health I don’t recommend that you pretend this isn’t happening. You don’t need to be confrontational in your approach to him but I believe the only way forward in any marriage is honesty and open communication. You have the right to feel comfortable in your relationship and it is your right to expect your partner to be trustworthy. Boundaries are a must eg he should acknowledge he needs help in stopping, the old it isn’t hurting anyone is BS as you are hurting. You are entitled to lay down some rules like therapy, SAA meetings. If he isn’t in agreement then only you can set the consequences for him not getting himself sober and being the life partner you deserve. Please feel free to reach out if you need any help but in the meantime have a look at the rob weiss podcasts and the Wetonglen website.
    1 point
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