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I am so sorry to hear this and my heart goes out to you. Please make sure you are being kind to yourself and making your health a priority. Also if you have a therapist reach out for some help, if you haven’t then get in touch with one for some advice on how to best manage your pain. You will naturally be grieving the loss of your relationship and the future you thought you had, as hard as it is you will need to focus on the here and now and deal with each day as it comes. No two days will hold the same issues so you will need lots of support from family and friends. Im hoping someone will be along who has experienced similar to give you some comfort as how they processed separation, but reach out if I can be of any help. Take care and sending you virtual hugs xx

@Jmpc68 thank you for your response. Your words have really meant a lot and have given me a small glimmer of hope! it’s just so hard isn’t it? Navigating this horrid situation and all the emotions it’s brought with it. I never looked at it as PTSD. It wasn’t something my GP brought up with me when I saw him when I was really low. I just googled it and think it seems pretty accurate with the situation . xx

Thank you Runner for your response. I am sorry that you have been through this too. I know you are right. Even after therapy, my partner was still lying and gaslighting. There is an element of emotional abuse in all this and it is not a good role model to keep caught in the loop of abuse. I am getting help now as I have PTSD and I need to stop the washing machine in my head which keeps churning day and night. After over a year, I am finally able to cry. I am so lucky to have amazing family and friends who are loving me through this. Big love to all those partners out there who are going through this. It is an awful experience.

Hi Juby so sorry to hear that you have been through such an awful time. I am certainly no expert on the topic but my D-day was initially in 2021 from which I too tried to forgive and patch up. I really tried to understand and support. I found out in September last year that it had always been going on behind my back despite regular couples therapy and me desperately trying to change myself to make the situation better. after a lot of time and talking I now know that it wasn’t me that created this problem or breathed life into it. It was there long before I was on the scene and there was nothing that I could have done to change it. I have made the decision to leave, as to stay would be self destruction all over again and no role model for my young daughter to live a miserable life with someone who continually hurts me. I also realised that to keep doing the same and expecting a different outcome will set me up for a dismal time which I don’t think I would survive again. my advice to you is to look after yourself at the moment and don’t feel responsible for anyone else. You can’t fix anyone else and the only person you owe for happiness is yourself. take some time and self care and spend time with the people ( usually family) who you know you can trust and love you for being you.

Thank you xx

Hi @Jmpc68 That makes sense, many things or dates my husband says he can’t remember. So frustrating for us when we want clarity or answers. You are right though about him needing time to explore his timeline. He’s only 3 sessions in which I know isn’t along time. I guess I need to accept that this won’t be a quick fix and try to be patient. I am glad to hear you are in a better place now with the trust. Thank you for talking with me again. X

Hi, thank you so much for your reply. It is comforting knowing I am not the only one going through this and there are others in a similar situation to reach out too. I am so pleased I have found this forum as I really don’t have anyone else to talk too. I had a 1:1 assessment yesterday with the laurel centre. Just waiting on receiving information on local counselling in my area. I have my fingers crossed i can get started with that as soon as possible. I will also look into your recommendations. I really appreciate them. I am so desperate for the pain to go away and hopefully be able to make sense of it all in time.

Hi @Mumof2UKso sorry you have found yourself here. It must be difficult that your husband can’t admit to his addiction, but until he does that leaves you stuck between a rock and a hard place. For your own mental health I don’t recommend that you pretend this isn’t happening. You don’t need to be confrontational in your approach to him but I believe the only way forward in any marriage is honesty and open communication. You have the right to feel comfortable in your relationship and it is your right to expect your partner to be trustworthy. Boundaries are a must eg he should acknowledge he needs help in stopping, the old it isn’t hurting anyone is BS as you are hurting. You are entitled to lay down some rules like therapy, SAA meetings. If he isn’t in agreement then only you can set the consequences for him not getting himself sober and being the life partner you deserve. Please feel free to reach out if you need any help but in the meantime have a look at the rob weiss podcasts and the Wetonglen website.

Hi, i can see its been a while since anyone posted but i found this thread and its nice to know im not alone. Hope to find some support on here or online. I realised my husband has a porn addiction just recently but had suspected it for a while, which also includes his logging into chat rooms at any time of the day to ask women about masturbation. His porn viewing is everyday and includes his compulsive searching for literally anything to do with female masturbation. This addiction has been going on for the whole of our 10 year marriage and we have 2 children together. I recently confronted him with evidence i had found of a cyber affair he had been having for over 2 years, which included sexting and facetime sex plus he sent her a vibrator in the post (i actually ended up speaking to her after making contact). The affair ended however i have discovered that he is continuing to try to keep in touch with females from the chat room on skype etc. Im past the heartbreak of it but i realise things wont change as he doesn’t think he needs any help. I havent told him i know hes still doing it. I stay with him as it would be disastrous for our kids if we separated and its a complex situation with finances too. He is a family man and is a good dad and husband most of the time, but when i’ve recently brought up about my concerns that he is detached or not showing me as much affection he isnt always validating and goes on the defensive etc so ive given up. I realise he does have demons, has low self esteem/depression and a whole troubled past of trauma in his childhood that ive been aware of since forever. However hes always managed to hide this double life from me up until now. I had to find out what i was dealing with so i snooped. He doesnt meet with anyone (he pretends to be much younger online anyway) so i do believe this is literally just online. However it has impacted areas of his life and i feel at a loss. Thanks for reading.