I'm in desperate need of some wise words and advice. In 2007 i discovered that my husband had been meeting a couple for sex. We decided to stay together and went for coupke therapy. The therapist gave advice that my husband needed thrills and let him watch porn. Never did a thought come into my mind i had married a sex addict. From 2007 until 2019 i caught my husband using porn. He dismissed this and said he wouldnt do it again and made excuses that most men do so why do i have a problem. In 2022 my husband discolsed he had been seeing sex workers. He duscolsed that in 2020 he had visited a sex worker once and then in 2022 he visited twice. I was devestated. We decided to stay together with help.
My husband attended therapy and i could see a change, this was the first-time anyone had duscussed sex addiction wuth us. My husband cried listening to Paula Halls ted talk on YouTube. I thought yes we have discovered the problem we can sort this out. Porn was blockef on our home internet and on mobile devices. However in October2023 he accessed porn he discovered a way around the blocked adult sites.
The use of porn of caused what my husband says to escalate and he confessed on 2/1/24 that he had had sex with a sex worker again.
My works shattered. I had underestimated the situation. Once again agreements were made to see a new therapist. However I kept asking questions I knew something wasn't right. Two wks on from his confession my husband had a small Crack in his amour. He told me had lied about the prostitute but it was actually a man he had gad sex with. I was devastated. I was numb and empty inside.
The very next morning as I was about to leave to go to work he said do you want to hear it all in a frantic manner. I thought knew it all. I didn't. He said he had been using pornographic material since the age of 9, masterbating twice a day since the age of 9. It increased to 5 times a day. He visited sex workers in 2006, couple for multiple times in 2007, sex with men, sex clubs and now back to sex with men.
We're at the point of holding our 31 yr relationship together. He is in therapy and attending the a 12 step support group. I have asked so many questions which he has answered. To be honest more questions than I really needed as know I have mental pictured in my brain.
I don't know what the future will hold but I have buring question inside that I need some advice on.
I can't understand why he has had sexual interactions with men if he isn't bisexual. I have questioned him on this he says it was a free thrill and the easy accessibility. He says acting out with couples is time consuming, he has to pay to see sex workers and pay to go to sex clubs and I'd see more money disappearing. Whereas the men are easy to hook up with.
I need some strong healthy advice on whether porn can escalate to have sex with the same sex and the person isn't bisexual. As this as I am so confussed about and I realise an addict lies and manipulates and I have had this done to me since we met 31yrs ago. I would be grateful for any advice thank you.
