Jordan

I am so sorry. I’m in a similar situation. My husband mostly acted out with men for years, I never knew. Finally came out when he got an std and landed him in the hospital for a week. I have read and researched everything and constantly asked him why men. The best explanation we both have found was in a book titled Mending A Shattered Heart by Carnes. Read chapter twelve and also have your husband read it and see if anything stands out. Most days I still don’t trust my husband on his sexuality. He claims all lustful thoughts for men are gone now that he is out of the addiction. Again, I am so sorry. Please message me if you want to talk more!

Hi all. I know this topic hasn’t been discussed in a while but I was just checking in to see how you all were doing? Have things gotten better? Hoping you have found an outlet and self care and finally the truth of it all. Sending positive energy your way!

Did any of your husbands question their sexuality after the addiction came to light? My husbands says now the addiction is gone he wants to stay with me and make this work. However, I still question who he wants to be with and it is making him question it as well. Any advice or help or personal stories welcome. He is in good recovery and sober but just having an identity crisis and it is making me question everything. Hope you all are finding ways to heal out of this hole we did not ask to be in.

Thank you so much Simon! I will definitely reach out to you- it would be great to hear from both sides.

One book I read that helped with all of this is Mending a shattered heart by Stephanie Carnes. Especially chapter 12- is my partner gay? It dives into reasons the acting out may have been with other men. I let my husband read it as well and tell me the reasons in the book that he thought were his reasons. But it is a really eye opening book. I haven’t read Paula’s yet but hopefully will soon.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, what I have found in my case is the lying or actions will not stop until rock bottom is hit. That is what it took for my husband. Even then, it has taken him time to realize he was a compulsive liar our entire marriage. It makes me question EVERYTHING. Now that he is in real recovery he has 48 hours to tell me if he has lied about something, anything, even if it doesn’t have to do with acting out. Like you said, it is a living hell. 💔

Hi all. I am glad to have found this forum. I, unfortunately relate to this subject. I don’t know how many times I have questioned his sexuality after finding out what the betrayal consisted of. Is there anything that helped you get through or over this? I’ve been listening to podcasts and books about sex addiction. It’s just still so overwhelming and lonely.