Toni

Hello, I'm currently experiencing hurt and pain from my husbands sex and pon addiction. Currently we are seperated, and are set to get a dissolution in Octobr of this year. I'm still very hurt, and I still love my husband deeply. However, he has zero remorse, still lies, denies his addiction, and blames me for destroying our family. He refuses to get help too. I finally left him, and we've been apart for almost two months now, and it's been emotionally difficult for me. I don't think that he even cares about how I feel, as he's discarded me for his addiction. He seems to be doing fine, enjoying outside sex and porn. I constantly pray to God to heal my husband and I beleive that one day he will be healed. His healing will be good for his next wife though. It's a sad situaton because we've been married for 23 years, and together for almost 30 years. At times when I speak to him, it's like talking to a completely different person. My prayer is that he rememers me and his family, holidays, vacations, annversaries, birthday clelbrations etc. It's like, he's so disconnected from his family. I've attemptd to speak to his mother about his behaviors, she just makes excuses and supports and enables his behaviors saying that these behaviors are out of his character. Since the last conversation with my mother in law, and begging my husband on multiple occasions to get help, I left. Again, it's been very emotionally difficult, however, I know that this is neccessary for me to heal from the betrayal trauma, and I'm hopeful that one day soon, he'll heal from his addiction. Deep down I really wanted us to work things out, however, he has chosen his addiction over us, therfore, I have to divorce him. This is probably the healthiest decision I think that I'm making after 23 years of marriage. Fortunately our children are adults, so the impact on them isn't as severe as it would be if they were children, however, us seperating and eventually divorcing is upsetting to them. So, I have a question for recovering addicts; at what point did you start to remember your family? your wife? What was it that lead you to seek help? Again, I'm prayerful that my husband will eventually seek help and heal, I'm just hoping that I'll be able to open my heart up to him again when he does.I've been asking God to increase my faith so I can forgive him, when the time of healing comes for him. My heart is closed, I'm crying less, and today, I found myself praying less for him. I still love him, but I don't think I'll be abe to EVER trust him again. How do wives learn to trust again after so much hurt annd pain? Is this even possible?