Muppet

Hi PJ Thank you for your message, much appreciated. Helpful to have a male perspective on this. Your honesty helped too, thank you. We will get through this I am sure, we are and have always been a 'strong team' but it will take the time it takes and love/patience will be required to see it through to the end - a long road I guess - early days for us. You mentioned 'Hope' - I cling to this fragile word. Huge respect to you for doing so well with your addiction and to your exceptional wife - treasure her she is a gem... Muppet

HI I realise I was very low yesterday - so sorry for spilling over - the good news is that hubby has taken his first steps to getting help so that is very positive and I am encouraged by his attitude at wanting to get this fixed once and for all - hopefully looking at the reasons behind the addiction will be the key here and that is what this website is all about - changing the thought patterns re this horrible subject and addiction to it....things are already making sense to him now (ie why he does/did it) and this will definitely help him to give it up which I am confident he can now do with more help of course. Thank you for this supportive site - it has really helped us, small steps I know but hopefully all positive ones... Muppet

HI E Thank you for your response, sorry you are going through it too.. All that you say makes sense and I have done some research myself and hubby and I have spoken about the future. Of course this is very hard but as you say the decision to quit has to come from him (which is what he is saying right now, yes he will quit) but I don't think it will be as easy as he thinks it will - like all men they don't really want to face big issues, especially when it involves them. But some credit to my hubby who is trying to do something about this problem and that has to be a good start, even talking about it is hard for him I am going to insist he speaks to a professional though as I can't be his sounding board over this and I think a male needs to talk to a male. I don't think I will do that for me though - once I know where this is all going I will either be in or be out of this marriage and if it ends with me being out then sobeit. I don't know about the future - as I say - everything seems so surreal at the moment and I am nervous and anxious and under pressure with all this - coping just about and because he had an emotional affair a year or so back with a work colleague (linked to the addiction of course - which I didn't know was linked at the time but do know now after having done more research into this addiction) - we worked through that problem and I thought were doing very well ! (hence the muppet name) because I then got hit with this on top - a double whammy....more lies and deceit - so horrible So he is very much on a dodgy wicket now as I sincerely have had enough of being treated so disrespectfully and as I type this I am realising just how much cr..p I have had to deal with by his hand but my marriage vows say 'for better or worse' and an addict needs help I guess - so depending on the direction of the wind the pendulum swings back and forth - I guess at some point in the future something will give or not and things will improve or not Thank you for your advice Muppet

Hi New to all this - have given him the ultimate - divorce if you don't stop - of course he wants to stop, is he addicted I suppose (I don't know but it has been going on FOR A LONG TIME) - after 33 years and 25 years married together - MUPPET that is me it seems - I knew things were wrong and constantly asked him but he would never admit but now I have found proof and only then did he admit - how horrible is that - years of him doing it and me unsure thinking things were not quite right between us and swinging between that and what a lovely hubby he was (all so false to me now, my whole married life seems to have been so false and based upon a lie) everything is so surreal..... and now finally he has HAD to admit and he made ME SAY THE WORDS - I am devastated, any advice would help right now Thanks