Hi there. I'm so sorry you are finding out after such a long time. But you are certainly not a muppet! I am going through a similar thing right now and again, found out (having suspected for a long time) and confronted him a few months ago, but it didn't stop. Now i have discovered he carried on, got caught yet again, he has finally admitted there is a problem when 3 months ago, he used every excuse in the book including "well it was over between us anyway" or "I just dont believe in monogamy" etc. Ultimately one thing I know is sure: this is not my fault. This is not your fault either. Its my understanding, from all the research I have done into partners going through this, that there is nothing you can say or do to change the behaviours, ultimatums don't work and the only way this can move forward now is for him to accept his problem and actually do something about it, get some help as soon as possible. You can't force an addict to change, only they can decide. For your own part, you need to be selfish and either take yourself away for a while, or if not possible, ask him to. If neither of those are possible, at least focus on yourself now. Constantly checking on him, being anxious all the time can only serve to make things worse. For me, we are having a 3 month break whilst he gets some help. Its left me in a massive financial hole, but its better than living like I was, feeling isolated and constantly nervous. Some days it doesn't feel that way, but one day at a time. It might be an idea to seek some counselling for yourself. It really helps. Only you can decide what is right for you and your future. But it takes some time to figure that out and what your boundaries are going forward. E