My fiance has told me that he has used certain apps (programing and rooting apps) in the past to acces pornographic material, either by direct acces or allowing him to get around the accountability app he uses (freezing the accountability apps ability to see what he's doing). While he used them to acces porn these are not what the apps main functions are or the only way he used them. I have set this non-negotiable boundary: no apps or websites that have been used to access porn in the past are used now. They are not installed on his phone or computer and he does not use them when browsing. There ARE alternatives out there that can be used which do not pose the same risk. I have also requested that all apps and websites be monitored. His response is that his addiction IS "avoidance" and by avoiding these things I consider risk factors that could be used for porn just feeds his "addiction to avoid" and will end up triggering him to use porn. He feels he should be allowed to use them in moderation. I feel this is a justification. I am at a crossroads as to what I do. I feel I am not out of line in my boundary. I don't feel it is an unreasonable request. I'm just tired of the circular arguements, deflecting, and projecting. I feel like I'm going crazy.
