Sex & Porn Addiction - Here to help

[AddictOnWayToRecovery]

I have come across this forum and I strongly believe it could give real help to anyone who is facing porn/sex addiction.

I am a 35 year old male with a beautiful wife and two amazing kids; I have been recovering for 4 months now (cold turkey) and I would love to give something back to people experiencing a similar situation. I went through the usual features of this horrible addiction: watching porn with increased levels of "sexual intensity", looking at escorts, reduced sex drive, masturbation, family problems, the guilt, the shame, the worry of being caught, etc.

As already mentioned, I decided to go cold turkey and the psychological battle, especially in the first 4 weeks was immense... I needed all my inner strength and will power to fight this battle, but I never think for one second that I have won the war. It's a long road to changing my life and I am fully aware that I can't afford any slip ups. I don't think my mind will ever be free of the urges, but they certainly are much much weaker and considerably more controllable.

Being free of the guilt, shame and worry has changed my life so much... My wife and I are so much happier and I have managed to get my life back.

Being on this website and identifying the problem is the first step to recovery. Please feel free to get in touch with me on this forum and I will do my best to help.

I wish you the best of luck

V 

[Rob]

Hello,

Thank you for sharing. It's always good to read from someone who is making a positive difference in their life and changing things for the better. I wish you continued success.

I can connect a lot with the psychological battle you felt you faced. The opening up of feelings after stopping porn and the emotional repression for me was a huge event and has taken many months. It's still an ongoing journey and not an easy one at times. Shame, guilt and hiding behaviours and being secretive - all these things are so damaging not only to those you love but also to yourself. So, I am glad you are finding a better place.

Perhaps you could share some of the tools and tricks or tips you've found helpful to coming off porn? I believe having some plan is critical to long term success and ensuring that we don't slip back into old patterns, which can be all too easy after the initial relief of coming clean.

Peace.

[Gandiziesed44]

I am happy that you are on your first step of recovery. My husband was also a sex addict. He cannot resist watching porn and other kinds of stuff. He says it helps him to relax.  Later on, I took him to a rehab for a sex addiction treatment program in Vancouver. That was actually a turning point in our life. I even thought of having a legal separation because of his addiction. Sex addiction can spoil family life. Many go for extramarital affairs. I am really happy for you that you are back on track. All the best friend!

[AddictOnWayToRecovery]

Thank you so much Gandiziesed44... All the best to you and your husband also!

You are right, the consequences of sex addiction to family life are truly devastating as it eats away all the trust that has been built over the years. I just don't know how I have managed to put myself in the situation, but I'm guessing it's due to how porn and sex in general is easily accessible nowadays.

Stress for me was definitely a trigger. If I had a difficult day at work or an argument with my wife, I would seek comfort in porn. Then porn would spoil my relationship... It's such a vicious circle, but I felt that dealing with my stress by talking (rather than bottling up) helped massively in my way to recovery. Self discipline is paramount!

Please feel free to post on this thread should you have any questions you might find benefit in asking.

All the best to you and family!

V

[AddictOnWayToRecovery]

Hello Rob,

Thank you for getting in touch and sorry for my late reply.

Thank you for the encouraging words and I am glad we share the battles we've had to face to manage this addiction. What has worked for me was a day by day plan rather than a long term one. I felt that short-term targets were much easier to manage, but I understand that everyone is different.

I believe that two things massively helped me on my way to recovery and are still helping me to this day. My wife and exercising.

I have never disclosed the full extent of my porn watching habits to my wife, but I am sure she knew. She found it difficult talking to me about it (and vice-versa), as I would suddenly become aggressive and protective. I just couldn't talk to anyone about it as I was so ashamed and I knew it was something I had to deal by myself. I might be a complete hypocrite, but I would not advise this to anyone. I strongly believe that support from someone close hugely increases the chances of success; I was just too proud to show any weaknesses.

Re-discovering the intimacy with my wife was incredible... Wanting to make love to her was something I hadn't felt for a while and our healthier sex life was the perfect alternative to porn. At the beginning it was still tough, even with the sex. I could have easily gone back to watching porn a few hours later, but my "daily avoidance target" helped me fight the craves. Part of my brain was constantly thinking of porn, the other was fighting it. Will power is key here, but distractions (such as going for a walk, reading, socialising, playing with my children etc) will take your mind off it to a certain extent. The hardest time for me was when I was at work, as I am on my own in my office. I would usually watch some porn at some point during my working day, but I managed to get through the habit by trying to be as productive as possible.  

For people out there who don't have a sexual partner, exercising is the perfect solution. Physical exercise induces the brain into releasing similar chemicals (dopamine, endorphin,etc) to watching porn and giving in to the addiction. It is a good distraction that takes your mind off it and I always felt that after exercising the craves were much more manageable. The main problem I can find in the scenario where there is no sexual partner, is the need to masturbate as sex is not a possibility. If it was me, I would probably masturbate only when necessary, but without the aid of porn or any erotic material.

I wish you all the best, Rob, in the hope you'll stay strong during this battle.

V