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The Partners that never get help..


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Hi

Apologies in advance if this get a little rambling. My husband and I have been separated for nearly 6 months and I am starting the divorce process. We were together for 20 years and married for nearly 17.  We have 3 perfect and amazing children. But it seems that the loss of this is not enough for him to get help for his addiction. It appears this has been a life long issue, starting with chat lines, moving to on line stuff, prostitutes and an "affair" I put this in inverted commas as he was paying her so I don't class it as a love affair.

He has promised to get counselling over the years as I have found out little individual transgressions along the way. Until 6 months ago when I found out enough that meant I could not continue.

There is stuff I know that he has not disclosed, and I know there is more than an element of narcissism to his personality.

What I cannot understand is how the "reward" from continuing this behaviour outweighs what he has lost?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ugh this is grim. I feel your pain. We are still together but separation is inevitable as partner is in total denial. What do women do when the man will not only not contemplate therapy or help but flat out gaslights, shouts and is cruel? I feel like I have PTSD but that he is also having a breakdown not unconnected with shame. It is 7 years since the first confrontation and I need to get out 🥵🤮

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  • 2 weeks later...

Its completely exhausting. I don't think they actually want to get help. I think the shame will force them into getting help, but I don't think any of them actually WANT to get help. I don't believe sex is an addiction, deep down. I think it's just bad character and being a selfish twat that leads them down this road again and again. I feel like a fool for having been completely faithful for over 20 years. 

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