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Just found out and don't know what to do


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Hi all,

Just reaching out as I found out last Sunday that my partner cheated on me last year with a woman he arranged to meet on the internet. I've known he has struggled with porn addiction for a long time, he always told me he knew how to handle and manage it etc. But honestly not and it's clearly escalated. I never thought he would ever do anything like this and I'm obviously worried there's more disclosures to come.

We have been together 11 years and just bought our first house together, I'm so conflicted with what to do going forward. All my family and friends are confused as to why I haven't left already, but I feel confused with how to go forward. I am also very aware how difficult it will be going forward staying with someone with this kind of addiction and I suppose I'm seeking some kind of understanding of how its worked out for others. 

He has joined SAA and is also getting himself sorted with therapy, he feels he has an addiction and is doing everything right going forward, but I'm not naive that it will be a difficult journey ahead whatever the decision. 

Big love to everyone and sorry we've all had to go through this xx

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Hi dear

I'm also sorry that you have to go though this. I think you will see clearer down the line, no need to take any immediate decisions if you are in two minds about it. ll refrain from sharing my story in detail now, you have enough to come to terms with. I don't know if and when his therapy will see a change in his behavior.  If you want to give him a chance, it will be a while before you will know that.  I hate to sound negative but you know, after years of porn use he might have escalated last year.... or earlier. You just won't know. And as the trust is gone, we tend to assume the worst. Just be good to yourself now, take care of yourself and give it a bit of time. You might think of putting boundaries in place to protect yourself. That would be my advice but yes, it is not going to be easy. I think the pain goes away a bit but then the wounds might re-open.  All the best for now. xx


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