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Boyfriend addicted to sex workers


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 I've been seeing my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now. I love him very much. I found out a year into the relationship  that he was cheating on me with escourts, i found him out by discovering his account on a escort website. I confronted him and he eventually admitted he had seen some. This progressed into him asking me to consider swinging but wasn't my sort of thing. So was a no go. I have found out he has cheated on me multiple times with them and each time he said he would stop but hasn't he used the excuse that he finds it hard to break the routine. He also suggested that I should become one. Which again isn't for me. Recently I snooped on his phone and found loads of naked pictures all of escorts and even had face pictures of them. I confronted him and dumped him. And since breaking up he has told me that he was really  bullied at school by girls  and that he felt like he should have been a women for all the attention they get and admitted that he likes to wear Bras and knickers occasionally when pleasuring himself. He said that he has a big collection which he buys from the escorts he  buys them a new set so he can keep their old ones. He said he prefers worn ones to new ones. 

I have told him that I think he might need help and I would support him numerous times.but he said he would stop and didnt. 

He is a very self conscious person who I think has an extremely low self of esteem. 

Hes never been overly  interested in me sexually right fron the start. I generally don't know how to cope with all of this. I feel so overwhelmed and has really made me feel undesirable and unloved. Any advice would be grateful 

 

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Hi Helpneeded91, first of all know that this is not anything to do with you, so don’t allow yourself to question your attractiveness or ability to be loved. This is his problem and his to address. You can support him, if you wish, but you cannot solve it for him. You need to focus on yourself and your needs, and set your boundaries. It is emotionally exhausting to be a partner to a sex addict, as with all addictions, no one else matters as much as their addiction and getting their hit. Sex addiction seems to be to be the cruelest of all addictions as it is so personally hurtful to the partner and makes us all question ourselves and love as a whole. 
My heart goes out to you, as you sound like a caring compassionate person. He is lucky to have you in his life, and you should be enough. Keep strong! I hope someone else in a similar position comes along with some advice. My story is different but basically a sex addiction was the cause of a lot of distress. I refuse to let it define me! xxx

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