Ptsd and jealousy

[Cara]

Hi I'm new here.

My husband has been told by a counsellor he is SA over a year  ago. And it has been been rough. I have bipolar disorder and now diagnosed with CPTSD (Complex post-traumatic stress disorder -Ed)  I have people tell me that he doesn't have a problem and that it is an excuse for horrific behaviour towards women. I dont know what to think. I have counselling and other therapies I need I cant afford as I cannot get them on the NHS. Im on medication.

My husband has made changes including the defensive a emotional abuse during the years all this happened. My life has not been easy I feel like I just survive everyday. I hate everything about myself. Recently I have become very jealous 😕 about other women. I have always been an advocate for strong women and dress how you want, be who you want, and always admired beautiful women with confidence.

This ordeal has changed me into something I am not. And has consumed me. My husband looks towards and attractive woman I freak out. I am so ashamed of myself.  How do I stop this. I am terrified he will humiliate me again like he did for years. He would leer and flirt openly. It was awful. And that led to the disastrous fight to get the truth last year where it went so far that I can't discuss it here the things I found out. Iv become angry, jealous, aggressive,miserable, and the ptsd is unbearable. I dont know how to go out with my husband without being triggered or not getting angry or shutting down. I want to be a new normal. 

C.R

[Tabs]

Hi Cara, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is truly awful. It’s good that you have sought help, it’s important to look after yourself first and foremost. 
All you feel is valid, the trauma of this is rather like grief, and there is no right or wrong way to deal with it, and no right and wrong decisions. That I think is what makes it so hard! You have to come to your own decisions that bring you peace. He has to focus on himself, only he can decide to change the way he lives and to address his own demons. 
Have you read any of the resources on this site? Paula Hall has a great book for partners, it’s good to know that what you are feeling, with the triggers, is ‘normal’  

Have a read through old posts, there is a wealth of information, but most of all, it helps to know that you are not the only person with those feelings. 
 

One day you will find the old you again, the confident and strong woman that you are, and surprisingly you will find that you are even stronger than you were before, and wiser! 

Take good care of yourself xx

[Feeling fragile]

Hi Cara,

Sending you hugs. This isn’t easy on any partners. We also have severe trauma and need to focus on recovery as well. Please know that sex addiction is nothing to do with the partner and all to do with the addict’s issues. You could be the most attractive woman in the world and this wouldn’t change your husbands SA.

I hope you can find a way to focus on yourself and each day tell yourself one positive thing. Perhaps your husband could get into the habit of telling you one thing he admires about you each day. That’s what my husband has been doing and it’s helpful to me.