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I don't know where to start really, this is my first time here and posting for help, so please excuse if this is in the wrong place. I have been with my partner 21 years, in year 16 I found out that he has been cheating with a co-worker, when confronted he ended things with her and claimed he was cheating as I was ill with depression and he felt he had "lost" me at that time. I went to counselling, went back to my GP and worked on getting better. I blamed myself for all that had happened (On reflection he was eager to blame me too) and worked hard to try to reconnect with him. One year on I found a phone hidden in our bedroom, when I turned it on there was no calls, or numbers saved, just nothing, checked the internet history and it had a gmail account with the password saved. I know it was wrong to log in but I did. I discovered he had been using sex workers for about 6 years, I saw the emails, appointment times, "services" he ordered and how much he paid, he was a member of an escort website that allowed you to book women and then leave reviews after. I have read his reviews of his experiences, seen photos of these women and my heart was broken all over again. He claimed this was a compulsion for him, that it was nothing to do with me or anything I have done and he went to counselling while angry at me, life and being discovered. He then decided that he needed time apart to help us reset and get back on track, he moved out temporarily (three nights a week) to give us space to heal and work together to be more united. He moved back home full time after 8 months. That was two years ago, last week his first affair partner showed up at our home to speak with him, he told her to go away he never wanted to see her again. She came back the next evening to again speak with him. It turns out during the time he was healing and needed space he was still seeing her and then coming to me on the other nights. He has been in contact with her to various degrees since I first found out about them cheating. It ended up with me consoling her on the doorstep and hugging her when she broke down crying. She has been in the background of our relationship for the last five years, it has now emerged he has been cheating for about half of the time we have been together, in one 18 month period he joined 27 different no strings attached hook up sites, he has spent a lot of money on escorts and web cam sites, it is endless. I feel numb, this is my third time dealing with discovery and I don't know if I have the energy for it again. Her turning up at our home frightened him, and he has for the first time volunteered himself to go to counselling, he has found and booked an appointment for a therapist who specialises in sexual addiction and seems eager to engage with them. But I just feel numb, I swing between anger, grief and numbness, sometimes I think I am doing OK but then it all hits me again like a wave, I cannot eat and am lost. He is making all the right noises about getting help, but he also said and did all the same things when I discovered his infidelity twice before and within weeks he was back cheating again. How do I know what it genuine any more and how do I keep my own head above water while I decide what I want long term? I have a background of childhood sexual abuse and my boundaries and self esteem are not good, I sometimes feel he is with me because I am easy to manipulate and blame for his actions, his behaviour feels familiar to me as it feels so similar to my childhood abuse. When I discovered his use of escorts he told me that it was because I was abused as a child, that when he is with me that is all he sees or thinks about. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Hi I'm pretty sure my partner was/is a sex addict but he's heavily in denial. He was sleeping with prostitutes for 4 years (he says it stopped when we got together) multiple women, would watch porn, followed hundreds of sexual accounts on Instagram, related everything to sex, was very sexual, almost struggled to control himself with me at times. Like he couldn't touch me without wanting to sleep with me. All this has stopped now. But he won't admit he was or still is an addict. We went to a professional who told us he was emotionally soothing himself with this behaviour. It was impulsive, compulsive and addictive behaviour he couldn't control. Her words. We didn't go back to her, he didn't see the need. To me that is indicative of an addiction. Is he still an addict if he doesn't do that stuff now? He has lied so many times, the truth of it all didn't come out for a while. This has been going on for the whole 3 years, we've been together. I think he's in denial. He will not accept the term sex addict. I'm losing my mind. I have noticed a definite change in how he is but I'm terrified it may come back. He hurt me so much and disgusted me so much. I'm so resentful. I feel like he needs to delve deeper into this to get answers. Thank you xxxx
Hi, I'm in my 30s and have been seeing prostitutes since I was 16. I have been with my wife for 13 years and I have still been secretly seeing prostitutes/escorts . I love my wife so much but due to a condition she has, we never get intimate. I know this is not an excuse but I feel so lonely. This has now led on to me trying to getting into personal relationships with escorts. I know it would never work (previous experience) but I get some kind of kick from it. I seem to get this love sick feeling, especially from one I have been seeing. I need help to stop. I've already been diagnosed with PTSD and acute anxiety. This habit will just top me off.
Hi everyone, I really need some help to change myself and try to get rid of some of my addictive sexual compulsive behaviours and am seeking any advice people can offer. I have only fully realised this problem too late and it has destroyed my first relationship with an amazing women who I think I have hurt deeply and who i really love. I am 25 and have struggled with an addiction to internet pornography since i was 14/15 which later progressed to visits to massage parlours and prostitutes for the past 1 1/2 years. I had been in this relationship since I was 19 and met her at university, lived together for 2 1/2 years and I think we genuinely loved each other despite some problems and a lack of emotional honesty and honesty now on my part. This was both of our first relationship and I got tempted by wanting to explore sex with other people but did not have the confidence or strength to admit this to her at the time and wandered down this path of sex behind her back. I confessed to her a couple of days ago and there is so much pain and hurt caused that I feel so sick and disgusted with myself for having subjected her to this and I just want my actions to not hurt her and for her to be OK and the happy and amazing person that she is without having ever been exposed to my ugliness and badness and problems. I have made an effort to stop both the pornography and sex workers and made progress but always relapsed. I am seeing a counsellor about depression and anxiety issues which I have had for most of my life and we are beginning to explore this, but I'd really like to know if there's any help or groups or anything I can talk to about this problem based in the London or Surrey area. I have been really selfish and this is not the person I want to be, I really want to try to make sure that this does not happen again and that I can never hurt anyone again and hopefully try to fix what damage I have done to my ex-girlfriend. I am quite desperate and confused about myself and appreciate any kind of help or advice anyone can give. Thank you