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Everything posted by Mel

  1. I really feel for you and hope that you can get support and move on from this, I’m also in a situation where my husband has left me and as hard as it is right now I’m listening to the advice of others and concentrating for now on me but of course I’ve let my husband know how much I love and miss him. I went to my first meeting last night and was in a toral mess tbh the poor guys in the meeting must have been like wtaf !!!! I certainly fit the stereotype of emotional female, tears snorters the lot. But today I’m feeling really positive, I’ve aat and wrote pages of feelings and somewhat of a timeline of events that have affected my mental health and well being and how I’ve reacted to them, I’m hoping that writing it down I can find the triggers that bring me to the point that causes me to act out sexually and start recovery
  2. Got first session with relationship counselling booked alone for next week got sla meeting tomorrow night and my appointment with community psychiatric team in two weeks can’t comw quick enough
  3. Right now I’m back in the emotional Zone think I must be due on but in the upset and angry zone, why didn’t he want to move home his career so important, he wouldn’t have even considered this career had I not pushed him and forced him to believe in himself, a job he hates, people he doesn’t like or respect who don’t show him any respect in turn, he says he feels undervalued and unhappy yet doesn’t want to move home to help me when I was at breaking point, regardless of my views on his weight when we met we got married for feek sake was that not enough for him to show me some intimacy ? Is it any wonder I didn’t feel wanted or loved
  4. I can't imagine how you're feeling but I certainly know how awful I'm feeling at the moment, after nearly five years of monogamy in a relationship, 6 weeks into my marriage my depression at an all time low and feeling like I'm totally unloved and unwanted rejected by all my friends, I also hve chronic pain condition so been practically housebound and unable to work for months, I went online to old familiar websites to chat, well the chateooms ended in a one to one chat with a guy who happened to be working locally, so no thoughts of it going anywhere went for dinner and a drive chatting having a laugh zero expectations of anything but I was really enjoying the attention and feeling wanted and normal o suppose, he offered a cuppa back at his hotel I never said no and I didn't stop at just a cuppa, shame, disappointment feelings of low self worth afterwards like was always the case in my past life added to the mix with a new feeling ! Guilt ! Suddenly I had done what had been done to me before I cheated on my Husband who o love more than anything in the world, he's found out and he's left me, my world is in tatters, I took an overdose I've hurt my family mostly my husband, my children have an awdsomw ability to love and forgive and are very receptive to people, I've clearly did right by them, now I've got intervention from community mentla healtj team and working towards getting my own head right a day at a time, I'm still messaging my husband morning and night to tell him I love and miss him, I don't see him changing how he feels about me and our relationship but I am hoping, I've went to a few church meetings im not religious at all but it keeps me busy, I've always struggled to sit at peace possibly undiagnosed asd condition the more I learn about it, but I'm just taking one day at a time and trying not to dwell on my mistakes, I'm an open book always have been if someone asks me I've always gave the answer, friends used to tell me to keep my business to myself but again this begs me am I on the spectrum lol but being open and honest with myself and those closest to me gives me some peace and strength to take each day as it comes
  5. What does that mean ? Ive also found myself going back to tge same site, initially to chat and just meet "likeminded individuals" but reality being I just kept putting myself in potentially dangerous situations that at the time are a quick fix but leave me feeling ashamed and disgusted with myself afterwards, I met my husband and finally put it to bed(pardon the pun) or so I thought, just got married and depression hitting me like a steam train physically my health taking its toll as well and I found myself back online, one man one meet one day, usualfeelings afterwards added to the most unbelievable and overwhelming sense of guilt, didn't stop he staying in and chatting but had set my mind I would not, could not meet with anyone again. Then my husband found stuff on computer and my very short marriage is over. I'm totally broken I know I have deep rooted issues, I've joked I'm addicted to sex when I was single but this actual realisation that I am addicted and it's so wrong has come as a huge shock to me, I took an overdose and now being referred to various different professionals, I'm terrified for my children and what they may or may not be aware of
  6. Well I knew that I had an unhealthy relationship with sex for a long time but only when I was single, I met and fell in love with an amazing guy albeit we met at a swingers club, apparently his first time and he had never done anything like it before after splitting from his wife, fast forward nearly five years and a monogamous relationship we get married and within 6 weeks im feeling unloved and so totally and utterly depressed I find myself back on familiar ground and sleeping with someone. My husband has found out and ended he marriage ! How and why after all this time did I slip back into this place ? needless to say I've destroyed him and my kids and he wants nothing more to do with me and I'm heartbroken at what I've done
  7. Hi guys I'm just new on here as well, totally miffed at the moment as I can't see any posts from females being the addict, george I was looking at going to a meeting last night but ended up going to a church group meeting for broken and was totally overwhelmed by it having had no contact with religion in my life, is slaa quite chxristan orientated ? Did you find it useful
  8. Can I also mention I've never cheated before in a relationship but when I was single I was regularly putting myself st risk meeting men
  9. If you had told me a number of years ago when I met my husband that my single life behaviours would rear their ugly head and destroy me and my family I'd have told you I was stronger than that, I've only just got married after years of being faithful and finding a happiness that hasn't revolved around the bedroom and sexual gratification, don't get me wrong sometimes I felt as though we could be more intimate but my husband has weight issues which honestly I learned to find less unattractive over time but his constant need to cover up and use his weight as a barrier between us was more unattractive and frustration. I never told him this I kept nagging to lose weight I guess I thought by trying to get him to face the addiction to food he would help himself. So we got married a couple of months ago and suddenly my on and off depression started to plummet rapidly and my friends appeared to totally abandon me, with my health at an all time low I was totally isolated and decided that I'd go online to old familiar chat rooms and talk when I went to join an old I'd still existed one I'd used when I thought my partner was cheating yes I know this viscous trust cycle , in one day I'd managed to get myself in that familiar place of meeting a guy and sleeping with him, overwhelming guilt, disgust, shame you name it those familiar feelings returned. Obviously I always said in the past I was in control but reality I never was. Long and short my husband found out doesn't trust me, he's told me our marriage is over and he's not wanting to or can't even think about counselling. I took an overdose it started as a few extra pills to take away my pain and try sleep but I didn't stop popping the pills until the packets were empty. I'm now in the waiting game for support and suddenly my head is in overdrive the reality is hitting me and suddenly now when it's too late I want to talk but he doesn't want to listen, I'm broken I can't imagine my life without him I meant my vows I want to spend my life with him and grow old with him, how do people move on, how long is long enough time to give someone some space this is all very fresh and new and I'm terrified, terrified he will never forgive me
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