Report New to all this and a little bit lost...... in Partner Concerns Posted March 11, 2021 Hello MrsATwister, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Many of us have been where you are right now. They key phrase for me in your post is the one about him masturbating everyday since teenage years to block out painful memories. I suspect all the SA specialists ( I'm not a therapist I'm a recovered partner of a SA) would point to that being a good indication of his addiction. It is unlikely he will be able to maintain a healthy recovery without understanding what drives his behaviour. You've been round that relapse block many times from what you've said. His reluctance to seek help might be driven by shame ( which in turn will drive his addiction). Well I'm sure you've been advised, or discovered for yourself, that you cannot fix him and it's not your job to do so. You have to focus on your own recovery from the betrayal trauma you have experienced. I think you should be able to access therapy virtually rather than wait for lockdown to end. Would your husband be prepared to read stuff on SA if not attend groups or therapy? Your doubt about this being an addiction for your husband if he can stop so easily is perfectly understandable. I went through the same thing. My husband's acting out triggers stopped immediately once he understood the underpinning childhood trauma that was fueling them. It was the same as saying he could unlock the door once he had the key but not before. But that made me question if it was an addiction or just 'fun' for him. However, in reality, it was no fun for him to be so driven to engage in behaviours that caused him toxic shame and hurt those he loved. He immersed himself fully in recovery groups, self help materials and specialist therapy to ensure his continued recovery and help him grow as a person. We remained together trying to reconcile for several years after discovery and I watched him rediscover himself and fulfil the potential the SA had stolen from him. But in the end his acting out had been extreme and caused catastrophic damage to our sexual dynamics and we agreed to go our separate ways so we could both move on. But he was in a sustained healthy recovery ( I hope he still is). So it is possible for your husband to do the same. I think he will need help and support from others to do so ( not from you as your focus is your recover). I wish you all the best for your recovery journey.