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AddictOnWayToRecovery last won the day on December 14 2016

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  1. Hello Rob, Thank you for getting in touch and sorry for my late reply. Thank you for the encouraging words and I am glad we share the battles we've had to face to manage this addiction. What has worked for me was a day by day plan rather than a long term one. I felt that short-term targets were much easier to manage, but I understand that everyone is different. I believe that two things massively helped me on my way to recovery and are still helping me to this day. My wife and exercising. I have never disclosed the full extent of my porn watching habits to my wife, but I am sure she knew. She found it difficult talking to me about it (and vice-versa), as I would suddenly become aggressive and protective. I just couldn't talk to anyone about it as I was so ashamed and I knew it was something I had to deal by myself. I might be a complete hypocrite, but I would not advise this to anyone. I strongly believe that support from someone close hugely increases the chances of success; I was just too proud to show any weaknesses. Re-discovering the intimacy with my wife was incredible... Wanting to make love to her was something I hadn't felt for a while and our healthier sex life was the perfect alternative to porn. At the beginning it was still tough, even with the sex. I could have easily gone back to watching porn a few hours later, but my "daily avoidance target" helped me fight the craves. Part of my brain was constantly thinking of porn, the other was fighting it. Will power is key here, but distractions (such as going for a walk, reading, socialising, playing with my children etc) will take your mind off it to a certain extent. The hardest time for me was when I was at work, as I am on my own in my office. I would usually watch some porn at some point during my working day, but I managed to get through the habit by trying to be as productive as possible. For people out there who don't have a sexual partner, exercising is the perfect solution. Physical exercise induces the brain into releasing similar chemicals (dopamine, endorphin,etc) to watching porn and giving in to the addiction. It is a good distraction that takes your mind off it and I always felt that after exercising the craves were much more manageable. The main problem I can find in the scenario where there is no sexual partner, is the need to masturbate as sex is not a possibility. If it was me, I would probably masturbate only when necessary, but without the aid of porn or any erotic material. I wish you all the best, Rob, in the hope you'll stay strong during this battle. V
  2. Thank you so much Gandiziesed44... All the best to you and your husband also! You are right, the consequences of sex addiction to family life are truly devastating as it eats away all the trust that has been built over the years. I just don't know how I have managed to put myself in the situation, but I'm guessing it's due to how porn and sex in general is easily accessible nowadays. Stress for me was definitely a trigger. If I had a difficult day at work or an argument with my wife, I would seek comfort in porn. Then porn would spoil my relationship... It's such a vicious circle, but I felt that dealing with my stress by talking (rather than bottling up) helped massively in my way to recovery. Self discipline is paramount! Please feel free to post on this thread should you have any questions you might find benefit in asking. All the best to you and family! V
  3. Well done, Schrodinger! Don't give up on this... The awards are immense! I'm in my fifth month of recovery and it does get much easier. Get in touch through my topic on this forum whenever you feel you need to talk to someone... V
  4. I have come across this forum and I strongly believe it could give real help to anyone who is facing porn/sex addiction. I am a 35 year old male with a beautiful wife and two amazing kids; I have been recovering for 4 months now (cold turkey) and I would love to give something back to people experiencing a similar situation. I went through the usual features of this horrible addiction: watching porn with increased levels of "sexual intensity", looking at escorts, reduced sex drive, masturbation, family problems, the guilt, the shame, the worry of being caught, etc. As already mentioned, I decided to go cold turkey and the psychological battle, especially in the first 4 weeks was immense... I needed all my inner strength and will power to fight this battle, but I never think for one second that I have won the war. It's a long road to changing my life and I am fully aware that I can't afford any slip ups. I don't think my mind will ever be free of the urges, but they certainly are much much weaker and considerably more controllable. Being free of the guilt, shame and worry has changed my life so much... My wife and I are so much happier and I have managed to get my life back. Being on this website and identifying the problem is the first step to recovery. Please feel free to get in touch with me on this forum and I will do my best to help. I wish you the best of luck V
  5. Hi Izzy, As everyone said, knowing you have a problem is the first step to recovery. I completely relate myself to you, as I also took the route of looking at escorts and the next untried thrill on the internet. I only realised how rooted my addiction was when I decided to go cold turkey. It is a horrible addiction as it is so accessible. I am married with 2 beautiful kids and what really gave me the strength was the shame I felt when looking at my family. I never disclosed my secret with my wife, but I know she knew... I couldn't bear her disappointment and I decided to deal with it on my own. This works for me, but I do understand that it would be so much easier having the support of someone you trust. I prepared myself psychologically and I decided to completely stop watching porn, looking at pictures of sexy girls in bikinis, escorts, any program on tv I knew would contain sex/nudity, masturbation, etc. This was the start of a huge psychological battle that must have lasted about 4 weeks. For the first two weeks I just couldn't take my mind off porn/sex; this was the time I had to have enormous inner strength and I knew that if I gave in even once, I would have relapsed. In my second week of going cold turkey, I rediscovered the pleasure in making love with my wife. With my addiction, our sex decreased considerably to about once a month (at times even less) and I could not feel the pleasure. I would think of porn while doing and I would really treat her like a sex object... Horrible to say, but nearly like a piece of meat. As you are married, try and replace the urge of porn/casual sex with making love to your wife. This helped me a lot! From the fifth week onward, the urge becomes less and less dominant in your life but it is still there and you can't give in. Actually you can never give in, you have to let it sink in your head that this part of your life has come to an end... No more porn (ever!), no more escorts, no more looking at sexy girls on Zoo Magazine, no more masturbation... Have more sex with your wife instead and it's a win win situation. You need to be aware of how difficult it is to rectify this problem and you need to be ready for the battle. Always keep in mind the consequences of your addiction... It can break up your family, break you financially, the constant guilt, worrying if you get caught, the panic if your wife accesses your computer, etc... All this would go away by doing something about it. I wish you the best of luck V
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