Hi All. I am a 31 yr old husband. Need your pov and help.
I was just Googling about married men going to hookers and prostitutes to satisfy themselves and found this thread. I am a husband for 2.5 years and was seeing my wife before for 3 years. So a total of 5.5 yrs of relationship. We still haven't had sex. I feel that is predominantly because of the founding basis of our relationship. Early on when we started seeing each other and when we got intimate, my wife or then gf was not comfortable with it, with any kind of intimate stuff. That was because she had had a very traumatic early teen experience at the hands of a predator teacher of hers. She told me that after that incident, sex got ruined for her and she could never open up to it. She told me that she did use to feel arousal and all and she would help herself by pressing her thighs but nothing more, no touching or anything at all. She never watched porn or read erotica, would just imagine and get done with it. So when we started seeing each other and when we tried to get intimate, she would get very anxious, conscious and worked up and we had to stop obviously and I had to calm her down. This then became a norm and slowly it died down. Now we hardly even make out and the relationship has moved on to a very caring, loving, affectionate, level and skipped the physical part entirely.
Now I have been a very sex driven man since a very young age. I remember I had started masturbating when I was 10. Yeah I am not kidding. Of course nothing would come out but I used to touch myself and reach a sort of climax. And consequently, I became addicted to porn and i still am. Before I met my wife, I was in one other serious relationship which was long distance but whenever we met, we would have proper sex and there were no issues. But now since the last 5.5 yrs with my wife, I have only relied on porn and masturbation. In covid, I started exploring online sexting through different apps and then it sort of became a habit. I would hardly find a partner of choice because most were fakes and bots, but when i did, it would feel worth. I had told about this to my wife and she was kinda okay in the sense that as long as it is anonymous and not with anyone known, it's very much like watching porn so she was okay with it. And somewhere I feel, she felt inadequate on her part and that's why she made herself okay with it. So I was also fine with porn and online sexting.
Last year, I was traveling for work and I just got curious about trying a hooker. I somehow justified it to me that sexting and actual sex is same, only that instead of my hands, it would be someone real. So I gave it a shot and hired one. But I didn't have sex, we did other stuff except for sex and i really enjoyed it. Somehow I was justifying that as long as I am not having sex, it was same as masturbation. This continued till this year and the frequency would be once in 3 months every time I would travel. So I never felt I was addicted or anything. But this week, the need to feel something new kinda made me week and I went ahead and had sex. This was last week Friday and then again today. And now I dont know what to feel about it. Dont know if it will be addictive or not. Dont know if I should just consider this a blip and continue with sexting and porn.
I know that lack of sex life with my wife is the biggest factor here, but somehow, and I know myself, I feel that it won't satiate me. I have a habit of porn and sexting and novelty.
Sorry for a crazy long post. Please give me suggestions. Thanks in advance!
