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7Squirrel

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7Squirrel last won the day on July 31 2022

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  1. Hello all, my username is 7Squirrel and I'm a porn addict. I don't really know how else to begin this, and I'm not really sure how to structure this. Please bear with me as I struggle along. I'll guess I'll introduced myself, tell you why I'm making this post and give a brief overview of my situation. I will try to be concise, but I find that very difficult. Please bear with me on that. Thanks. I'm a 49 year old married man. Originally from the UK, I moved to a European country several years ago to be with my girlfriend, who is now my wife. I'm writing this because looking at and masturbating to pornographic images has been a part of my life since puberty, and before that I accidentally found and looked at P. So for the majority my life so far there has been P. I don't want it in my life but I find it almost impossible to live without. And yet, it is ruining my life. I want to quit and stay quit. My life has become dominated by this habit which I can't stop for longer than a couple of days at a time. I am very much on the dreaded merry-go-round as described in Paula's book on sex and porn addiction. I have been trying to do something about this for several years now. Unfortunately even though I really want to recover and turn things round, I'm lazy, I lack confidence and resolve and that leads me to return to P. Which causes me huge grief and shame, which leads me back to P. And so on and so on. Since emigrating from the UK I have achieved a masters degree in higher education, and have worked sporadically as a freelancer here and there, but I'm finding it hard to get a full-time job. Another issue which complicates the situation is that I have certain traits which, if you believe in such things, have been described as ADHD /ADD. I'm not quite sure where I stand on whether this is a legitimate disorder or not. But I know this. My daily life is inhibited by the way that I think, feel and emotionally process the world, and my own reactions to it. Wether porn is a subconscious attempt on my part to self-medicate, I don't know. What I do know is, I consider myself at heart a kind, intelligent, caring, sensitive, talented individual, who wants to be able to live without this behaviour which has severely impeded my life, and is continuing to do so. Help. Thanks for reading and best wishes.
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