A few months ago my husband of 13 years confessed that he had a porn addiction but finally confessed the night before last that he has been using prostitutes, too. I can’t help but wonder what he’s going to tell me in another few months.
I am completely disgusted. My mother was a prostitute and I grew up around prostitution and the devastating effects that it has on women and children. My own father denied me because he thought my biological father was a “John“ and I didn’t confirm that my biological father was for sure related to me until after he had passed. My stepbrother grew up being told that his father was “some drug dealer“.
My husband had a choice to go to a 12 step meeting, go to a therapist, check himself into rehab, etc. But these girls didn’t have a choice because they are oppressed and basically enslaved. Some of them were purchased through sex trafficking. Some of them experience violence. Sometimes prostitutes are forced to use heroin so that they can’t leave. Most of them were abused as children and have Dissociative Identity Disorder, like I do, because of the trauma they endured. I am disgusted that these girls were “forced“ to have sex with my disgusting husband and I almost vomited when he told me.
He knows that I was sexually abused and sexually assaulted many times and it makes me want to vomit to think that he contributed to the abuse and oppression of women. The night he told me I had a nightmare that there was a serial killer in my bed because I’ve basically been “sleeping with the enemy.“
I never in a million years thought that I would marry a man like this after what I had experienced the first 20-some years of my life but I guess I was unknowingly reenacting past traumatic relationships and I clearly never learned how to protect myself because I saw red flags but overlooked them. As a covert narcissist he was able to manipulate me because he appeared to be the complete opposite of the overt narcissist who abused me in the past.
I developed fibromyalgia from being emotionally abused for the past 13 years and am now housebound and dependent on my husband; I am also completely isolated because my family was abusive and I unknowingly chose narcissistic friends.
I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.