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John D

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  1. Hi AJH, I would say that certainly it would be a good idea for you to discuss this with a trained psychosexual therapist, as clearly your fantasies are effecting both you and your wife. The COSRT website has a list of suitably trained therapists in the UK.
  2. Hi Sarahrocket, we encourage our clients to masturbate 'mindfully' which means eyes open, without the use of porn and without the use of fantasy. In other words, because it feels nice. Many people who have struggled with porn addiction for a long time have literally lost touch with themselves and their ability to stimulate eroticism through touch. It also might be appropriate for you to stimulate him, and he you, as part of your play but without knowing your story, that may be need to be a judgement call. If his addiction is being managed well and he is in a healthy recovery, then it may be time to consider some psychosexual therapy to strengthen your sex life.
  3. Hi Lala44, Welcome to the Forum. This thread is quite old but we will be able to read your comments and will be here to help you .
  4. Sorry to hear that you're struggling Newbie21. Have you considered doing any group work to see if that makes a difference for you?
  5. John D


    Hi Fairy85, I realise that this will all be very raw for you right now; for both of you but with the right support you can both move forward to a place of clarity and resolution. Unfortunately there is no easy way to judge how long this will take. When I work with couples in this situation I often suggest individual therapy is better rather than couple therapy at the start because both you and your partner will have different needs right now. Shame, Anger, Regret, Self Doubt are all very powerful emotions and it's sometimes hard to think clearly when it's so painful. Have you seen Paula's book on Sex Addiction - A Guide for Couples ? It may be of some comfort for you during this painful Impact stage since you discovered your partners behaviour.
  6. Hi helpforaddiction, Welcome to the forum. You might want to post your experiences of recovery here for the benefit of all our forum users. Many of our clients utilise the fellowship programs to assist in their recovery while for some 12-step is a mystery. The forum is a safe place for addicts and partners of addicts to share their experiences, ask questions and gain advice from people at all stages of their addiction. We look forward to hearing from you.
  7. Hello Newbie 21, Welcome to the forum. We would love to hear a bit of your story.
  8. Hi Dews, Thank you for your post. It does seem like a long and exhausting experience for you, having to deal with this contact of your partner. Maybe you could ask your self " what is the positive benefit for me to keep track of her activity on social media"? Also be aware of what has being going on for you during the day just before you feel the need to check up on her? Is ytour partner aware of your need to check up on this girl? I hope this helps.
  9. Did you know that we run an 8-week recovery course to treat people struggling with problematic porn use? Our online group treatment programme has been developed specifically to help men struggling with compulsive pornography use, often referred to as pornography addiction. The course is conducted online using the Zoom video conferencing platform zoom.us and provides practical information and resources for stopping porn and developing long term relapse prevention strategies. The programme is both educational and practical and utilises both Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and psycho-educational strategies. The programme also provides a supportive online group environment to help overcome feelings of embarrassment and isolation and to facilitate a long-term accountability network. By the end of the course, attendees will be able to: • Understand the biological and psychological causes of their addiction • Recognise and manage triggers • Establish relapse prevention strategies to secure and maintain recovery • Identify and overcome potential future blocks to recovery • Develop long term strategies for re-establishing a positive sexual lifestyle The course consists of 8 x 1.5-hour sessions and between session preparatory work. Attendance at each of the sessions is required and the course is strictly limited to a maximum of 6 men. All attendees are required to sign a confidentiality statement to ensure the group is a safe space for all. Details of how to register can be found on our website: 8-Week Online Recovery Course
  10. The Royal Society for Public Health (RSPH) is an independent health education charity and the world’s longest-established public health body. Each year they host a challenge to encourage people to try going a month without using social media. Why not go #ScrollFree? Scroll Free With its almost universal reach and unprecedented ability to connect people from all walks of life, social media holds great potential to support good mental health and wellbeing. It has revolutionised the way we communicate and share information. But have you ever thought about your relationship with social media? Maybe it’s starting to have a negative impact on your life? By going Scroll Free for a month, you’ll have a chance to reflect on your social media use – what you missed, what you didn’t, and what you got to do and enjoy instead. Scroll Free
  11. 2 articles on Chemsex Chemsex: A dangerous shortcut to intimacy Britons most likely to combine sex and drugs, study shows
  12. Episode 2 of the BBC3 series Porn Laid Bare Touring porn sets in Spain the group have seen what the adult film industry means for producers and performers – good and bad - but now it’s time to reflect on themselves and consider the impact that porn is having on their life, their relationships, and on wider society. The group explore questions including how porn effects the brain, how it shapes our views of our own and others’ bodies, how it shapes societal attitudes towards racial groups, women and our understanding of sexuality, and asks if porn addiction is becoming a problem amongst heavy users. .
  13. Hi Kate, Its always a scary place to be right now but you seem to be dealing with it really well. It looks like you are doing whats best for YOU right now and at the same time your husband is going to work on his recovery and deal with his behaviour. The fact that you are both taking this 1 step at a time and are hopeful for the future can only be a positive thing. Stay strong and see how things go. Enjoy your holiday!
  14. An interesting short film about the neuroscience behind ADHD. ADHD symptoms are generally associated with lower levels of dopamine in the brain. King's College London: Neurobiology Animation
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